(Extracted from a talk entitled "Getting Unstuck" by Pema Chodron from a Sounds True recording):
"Its very important to see what we do. Dzigar Kongtrul always says - if
you begin to see what you do, you see the shenpa and you're working
with it in your practices, say like the basic practice that underlies
all practices - learning to stay. When you see it and the momentum is
getting very strong with the thoughts and you interrupt them with the
label "thinking", just so that you're cutting the momentum of the
shenpa, you come back to the breath which is like learning to stay in
the present moment with the underlying energy {Dzigar Kongtrul calls
this "simmering"}.
If you aspire to work that way in
meditation, and in post-meditation (which is the rest of your life), to
catch the shenpa and to remember to practice at that point, there is no
way that your life will not be gradually, perhaps imperceptibly,
transformed, so that when you look back you begin to see.
The
only way that I know that anything has ever happened is to look back,
because I never get gratified by peak experiences or breakthroughs.
It never happens to me. (Adding longing to her voice) I've always wanted it to happen...
(Audience laughs)
It never has, and I still want it to happen, but I am beginning to
realize that it doesn't matter, people tell me their stories constantly
and breakthrough experiences don't always add up to much. They come and
they tell me something, and I think - wow, wish I experienced that. And
then the next day they're completely hooked by some shenpa.
And so gradual is good. (chuckles) At least I keep telling myself...
(Audience laughs)
No, it really is. It really is. It is good. And so that's fortunate since it is extremely gradual.
It's like willing to lose half a pound a week until you've lost the 150
pounds you need to lose, rather than try to lose 20 pounds a week and
keep adding it back all the time. It stays off, as they say... And the
main thing is this aspiration.
So the point that Dzigar
Kongtrul makes is that until you begin to train in seeing and staying so
that you can see the shenpas and working with them, he said - then
basically, what's going to happen is life is always going to be hooking
you. Little things are going to be just throwing you for a loop right
and left, just out of the blue, like people throwing rocks at your head,
the slightest thing basically triggers you and you are off and running.
And it gets stronger and stronger. He says life just becomes more and
more confusing, more and more of a struggle, more and more of a burden,
because you have never looked at the root cause, which is the shenpa,
and therefore you get triggered right and left, triggered all the time.
Once you start seeing, you still get triggered because that's what you see, but there is something different.
The magic of seeing.
Its sort of like Thich Nhat Hanh talking about the miracle of
mindfulness. Its the miracle of learning to stay. Being present with the
shenpa, knowings its happening. The more you do it, the more you're
ability to be able to do it grows. And the ability to see more and more
subtle levels. Just naturally begins to happen. Thats not something you
have to force, it just naturally happens that there is less and less
self-deception, less and less ability to hide out.
When I
really get hooked, and I'm starting to get all worked up, I do something
which I call "teaching myself the dharma". And sometimes this really
helps. And that is I might say to myself - if I follow this what will be
the result? The habituation of strengthening this pattern. What will be
the result? What will happen in a years time, in two years time? This
pain I am trying to get away from will be more, and so that inspires me
to do the tough work of staying with disagreeable feelings of unease."
Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold; the holding of plans or dreams or expectations. Let it go. Save your strength to swim with the tide. The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle, fear, and a desperate attempt to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go. Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders. Take this on faith: the mind may never find the
explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless. Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations. Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation.
~ Danna Faulds
"I call the high and light aspects of my being spirit and the dark and heavy aspects soul.
Soul is at home in the deep, shaded valleys. Heavy torpid flowers saturated with black grow there. The rivers flow like warm syrup.
Spirit is a land of high, white peaks and glittering jewel-like lakes and flowers. Life is sparse and sounds travel great distances."
—The Dalai Lama, as quoted by James Hillman in "A Blue Fire"
